Monday, June 30, 2008

Pat Benatar

I did not go to the Rockin' On The Riverfront on Thursday. Apparently, Pat Benatar was actually good.

"Oh no! Elle is going to talk some smack about Pat Benatar!"

Last time I saw PB (and her annoying husband), it was the 4th of July, and I blew off all of my friends who were having parties to listen to some tunes that I could have listened to on my record player while not getting drenched in rain. And then, PB decided she was pissed at the crowd and sang all of the songs while facing her husband. When they weren't playing songs, Neil Giraldo was rambling for 40 minutes about some "really funny thing that happened to them" 100+ years ago.

Then Pat bitched about having to sing "Love is a Battlefield" for the millionth time.

Since then, I have dusted off my PB records and sang numerous PB songs at karaoke bars. But I wasn't about to see her live again. I didn't want to take the chance of being bored to death again by Neil's long-winded and awkward stories.

Saturday night, I went to The Old Miami to see The Hadituptoheres and some other bands. One of the other bands cancelled, and some band with a kind of dumb name played White Stripes songs without a drummer. I really like the backyard of The Old Miami, so I hung out with some friends back there. Steve from the Hadits showed me videos he recorded on his phone of himself at work. Honestly, those videos were much more entertaining than the band with the dumb name were, with their ridiculously long set. Much more entertaining. In fact, I think if my favourite band were playing and Steve was trying to show me those videos, I would be torn on what to pay attention to. The videos were THAT good.

I ordered a vodka tonic at the bar, and instead spent $4 on a water with lime and ice in it. At least I stayed hydrated in the heat.

The Hadituptoheres played three new songs before my ears started to bleed and I had to leave. Note to sound guys: you should really have gotten some ear plugs years ago. I get that you are mostly deaf, but that doesn't mean everyone else who enters your venues should be made deaf. Or, your venues should sell earplugs in the bathrooms. Next to the tampons. It makes sense to me.

Back to the Hadits and their "new" songs: uuuhhhh, dudes, can I get a copy of those new songs? Srsly, what I caught when my ears weren't ringing was pretty good. I'll, like, give you a few bucks or something.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Happy Anniversary, Blog!

My Dearest Blog,

It has been three weeks since we began this wonderful journey, but it feels like it has been a lifetime, no?

We have had some great times. Some good laughs. Some fights.

*sigh* I think people are jealous of us, Blog. But they can hate all they want! My feelings for you will never change.

Oh, Blog, you complete me.

With Love,


Local Celebrity Challenge II: Battle of the Bloggers

Bloggers (or Escribitionists, if you feel so inclined). They are the foundation of our society. Before there was blogging, there were no bloggers, and thus, no foundation for our society. It was a sad, sad world before the Internetz. How did people communicate? That's another blog for another day, kids. Today, though, we celebrate two of the most popular bloggers in the history of the world (Detroit) with a BATTLE OF THE BLOGGERS. Whoever loses this challenge will be fed to Kwame Kilpatrick.

And so it begins...

Elle: State your name and your blog address.
Scotter: Scotter,
Jasper: Jasper,

L: How long have you been blogging?
S: Two years. It's my blogging birthday this month!
J: Since February 2005. Wow, that sounds terrible.

L: What do you hate about Michigan?
S: No public transpo.
J: Michiganders.

L: What do you love about Michigan?
S: I like my lakes great.
J: That we say "pop" instead of "soda". Fuck soda.

L: Ramble for at least one paragraph about something that is ultra-obscure.

S: If you read the first few pages of the Great Gatsby carefully, you'll see that there's an amazing moment of subtle foreshadowing in the smallest detail of Fitzgerald's diction. You see, the narrator Nick Carroway says "Gatsby was all right in the end" right at the beginning, but this is a red herring of sorts. Notice that he writes "all right," not "alright." Gatsby's dream was, according to Carroway, "all right." It was the right vision. However, Gatsby certainly wasn't "alright" in the end. He got shot in his pool at the end, and dies.

J: Vulgar is an album released by Dir en grey on September 10, 2003 in Japan and on February 21, 2006 in Europe. A limited edition containing an additional DVD was also released. It featured the video of the song "Obscure", albeit a censored version (the uncensored clip was later released on the Average Psycho DVD). Vulgar is the first Dir en grey release not to feature individual credits for the music (credits for track 9, 11 and 14 taken from the respective singles). The original Japanese title of track four offers several ways of romanization, namely "shokubeni" and "syokubeni" (the latter being used on Dir en grey's official website).

L: What is your best pick-up line?
S: "You're so hot, it makes me feel alive."
J: It's less of a line, and more of a threatening stare while humping a bar stool or table. Chicks eat that shit up.

L: What is your most interesting story that takes place in Detroit?
S: On Opening Day this year, I got thrown out of the same bar twice in one day.
J: So this one time, really early in the morning after a party or something, a guy was driving down Woodward or Cass or wherever and a hooker flagged him down. Being curious, he pulled over to learn the woman needed a ride. Being half-drunk and half-retarded, the man asked "what's in it for me?". At that point a hooker titty was presented through the driver's window, and the dude actually put that thing in his mouth. After that exchange was over, the woman went to open the back door, but the man sped off. His reason for fleeing: "That chick was filthy. I didn't want her in my car." Yet somehow he considered her clean enough to put in his mouth.

L: Do you have any juicy gossip about your opponent?
S: His favorite show is the Smurfs, which caused his everlasting guilty pleasure love of The Blue Man Group. He has another blog--a fan blog--about them that he doesn't disclose to anyone else. In that blog, he is pictured de-bagged, but with blue paint all over his face.
J: The man [from the story] is Scotter.

Once again, I feel like I have set myself up for a huge headache trying to decide the winner.

The fan favorite is Scotter. I didn't even have to ask for the opinions of others on this one. My mailbox was inundated with messages like "I LOVE SCOTTER" and "SCOTTER IS THE COOLEST DUDE EVER" and "HIS BREATH SMELLS LIKE VANILLA ICE CREAM." But Scotter himself even said that he is undeserving of such a title. I think he was just afraid that Jasper might hunt him down in the alley behind The Bronx and put a bag over his head (unless it was plastic, I don't see this as being too much of a threat).

All joking aside (don't you hate when people use that term too much?), the deciding factor came down to the answer to this question: "What is your favourite punctuation mark?"

S: Is the semicolon a punctuation mark? I guess it's not, because it's not punctuating anything--it's a wall between two clauses that are equal, perhaps a "no-man's land" in the battle for clause supremacy. Either way, I still choose the semicolon, although I hate when it's used in an emoticon.
J: The dash, obviously. It tricks people into not noticing run-on sentences by a rambling bloggers -- most of us don't know how to properly use commas and semicolons and shit like that anyway. The dash is the punctuation magician -- it makes unintelligible crap more readable.

Scotter, the semicolon is a punctuation mark according to Wikipedia (the only source of information that I trust). You can take you Master's degree from whatever school you got it from and kiss my butt. And Jasper, you bagged head scares the crap out of me.

So the winner is...


Totally awesome. I rule.

But since Jasper and Scotter were such great sports, I owe you both a beer or two when I see you next.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I've got nothing.

This is the first day since I started this blog that I have nothing to talk about. Get used to it. I have a busy week/weekend of watching bands, judging them, and then thinking about shit to talk about them.

The unveiling of the Local Celebrity Challenge II: Battle of the Bloggers will be up this weekend! ooooooh yeah. I am putting it up now. K. Thx.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Man of Mythological Proportions! Oh, the mystery!

I was listening to a summer mix CD in my car (yeah, it's summertime, let's bust out the mixes!), and it just so happened that an Electric Six song found it's way onto the mix YET AGAIN. I am going to spare you the details of my mix (I am the worst mix CD maker ever), but the Electric Six song did get me thinking:

Who the hell is Dick Valentine?

I have never met the guy. I am unsure if I would even want to meet him. He is shrouded in mystery, taking on whatever disguise he deems fit for the day/show/music video. He might as well be wearing a mask! At all times. This would be excessive. Just a bit. Maybe Dick Valentine is just a tangible incarnation of all the excesses of the world, rolled into one man.

So this mystery man, what makes him so mysterious? I don't know. I have never met him. That, my friends, is part of the mystery. But I know people who have met him. I would just rather not bother those people about it.* Maybe DV** is so mysterious that even the people closest to him don't even really know him.

Wikipedia doesn't know him.

The Myspace doesn't know him.

Youtube claims to know him, but just has lots of videos of him.

Same with Flickr. But with pictures.

He seems to live a charmed life. Maybe he has magical powers. I do not know for sure. Thus, the mystery continues...

I would like to interview him someday. But it would be a top-secret interview (over the phone, I don't know if I can go face-to-face with this guy***). And no one would ever be able to read it. I wouldn't write anything down or record it. I would like Dick Valentine to remain a mystery to everyone else. I am selfish like that.

*Although, I was told that he does voice-over work. I do not want to know what he does voice-over work for. I would like to be surprised.
**do his friends call him that? Further more, what DO his friends call him? Does he even have friends?
***because he might, in fact, have magical powers and might be able to hypnotize me. But if his powers are strong enough, he could probably do it on the phone too.

check out Electric Six's website for Retirement by 40??? Has 5 Hot Tips To Make It Happen

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Wolf Moon Dance by The Darts

The Darts (Lansing) put out a CD April 27th. It's called "Wolf Moon Dance." Before I get to the reason behind the title, my theory (after listening to the record) is that someone joked to the singer, Chris Minarik, that he sounded like a wolf howling at the moon when he sings sometimes. The word "dance" was just added in to look cool.

And now for Chris' version: "Wolves howl at the moon while creating music to dance to."

When I asked if I could quote him on that, he said "no."

He then stated, "I scream at the people while I create music to dance to," and that the title was inspired by his grandmother's house, "with wolf pictures on the wall."

And now to the meat of the story: the music. Does it hold a candle to the hype this band gets from The Hard Lessons (who also hype up the Decks, and Champions of Breakfast, so I am a little torn)?

The CD starts off on a bad note. The cowbell should only be used if it can be executed well. For some reason, it is just a tick off. And as much as I wanted to turn off the CD, I have enjoyed The Darts' live shows in the past. So I continued to listen before completely writing this album off.

Something good: the bass and drums (Jocelyn Klug and Darrin Higgins, respectively) are solid throughout the record (with the exception of the weird cowbell). Live, the bassist's and drummer's presence (presences?) take the backseat to Minarik's stage antics, but not talent-wise. The lead guitar adds extra dynamics to the recording, which was an added bonus (I have never seen the Darts play with a lead guitarist. Their lead guitarist is no longer with the band, btw.).

I was thoroughly confused by the vocals. During live shows, Minarik seems to have quite a good range. Recorded, he sounds exasperated, out of key, and a little too pitchy. This kind of performance could be tolerated if used sparingly, but it's evident in every song on the CD.

I want to say that The Darts remind me of The Pixies. Maybe if Black Francis was a little less pop-savvy, and a little flatter in terms of range.

If I was writing about a live performance, believe me, my tune would be completely different and I would use phrases like 'blown away' or 'wow-ed'. This CD just didn't cut it, though.

the next local celebrity challenge: bloggertastic!

Scotter ( vs Jasper (webvomit)

More to come!!!

Deastro on Emusic

I know I am a little late with this, but I just rejoined Emusic last month (after taking a much needed three year hiatus from it), and I was stoked when they recommended Deastro to me. I wanted to send them an e-mail saying, "Thanks, but I already effin' knew about Deastro but I am glad you have Deastro available for download on your site." But I decided against that.

There are a few shows coming up.

I am liking the trend that some bars/venues in Detroit have picked up on lately: not charging for cover. I love it. I play for free all the time anyway, so since I am not making any money, why should there be cover, right? Shout out to the Old Miami and PJ's Lager House. The best part about these bars? They don't charge you $4.50 for a PBR (*ahem* MajesticGardenStick). I understand that you have people on your payroll and that these people need to get paid. And I also understand that people are still buying the beers regardless of the inflated prices. So you really have no incentive to lower the prices. You remind me of the oil companies. Yes.

Anyway, The Hadituptoheres, who I am completely sick of seeing/hearing, are playing a free show at the Old Miami this Saturday. I will probably be there, with earplugs in. I have a huge crush on the singer. Otherwise, I wouldn't care.


But there is a huge party going on a block from my apartment that night, and I would love to be able to drink and walk home (I don't even have to cross the street).

DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE! it is not cool.
/not a joke

Monday, June 23, 2008

Annie Palmer, revisited. Plus Mason Proper puts out... a CD.

From teh Myspace bulletin board:
Annie Palmer
"Hi. I'm going on tour. I'll be in these places on these days.

27 - mt pleasant, mi
28 - marquette, mi
29 - minneapolis, mn
30 - bismarck, nd

1 - billings, mt
2 - missoula, mt
3 - seattle, wa
4 - portland, or
5 - arcata/eureka, ca
6 - san francisco, ca
7 - los angeles, ca
8 - phoenix, az
9 - albequerque, nm
10 - lubbock, tx
11 - oklahoma city, ok
12 - kansas city, mo
13 - chicago, il

let's hang out.


"Finally! We made it!

We have escaped countless destroyed vans, broken equipment, beaten and bruised bodies post-show, and hid in a small empty house to record our second album, Olly Oxen Free!

It will be out on September 23rd on Dovecote Records, but in the meantime, we will be posting new songs every two weeks. We're starting off with "Safe for the Time Being" and a brand new one called "Lock and Key."

Please post them to your profiles so your friends will check them out too! And check back in with us frequently, we have a lot of devious things planned you might enjoy. Especially if you're a filmmaker or work with music, ahem.

(And if you aren't already on iLike, sign up and get the toolbar. It's a great way to find new music you like.)

If you want more music in the meantime, check out secret tunnel group for a free song from a mason proper side project. or check out our shorthand video ep on itunes if you haven't already"

Wooo! All Right! Party time! Yeah!

Am I too late?

I didn't even know George Carlin was still alive.

For the rest of the day, I will only speak the seven dirty words.

But I would rather not lose my job. So I will wait until I am attempting to play softball later.

RIP, bro.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Hot Box!!!11

OK, so if you go to the Myspace page of Hot Box, you will see that they are from Massachusetts. But what you may not know is their drummer, Eric, is from Detroit. What you also may not know is that Hot Box is coming to Small's** in Hamtramck on July 12th.***

If you don't "have the time" to look at their myspace page, and perhaps listen to a few tunes, here's what you are missing: Hot Box is an indie/alternative band who lists their influences as Talking Heads, Alice in Chains, and Modest Mouse, just to name a few. Alice in Chains? I know, I did a double-take, too. Most indie folks would see that and think, 'omg, I would have put Mudhoney, that's sooo much cooler.' They are the kind of band that take me back to the days when I listened to The Get-Up Kids and Casket Lottery and sighed a lot. I like that feeling. Good times, good times.

I recently sat down at my computer and wrote an e-mail to Hot Box, asking them all the important questions. Although I would prefer a face-to-face interview (do you see how adorable they are!?), I have wittled down my usual list of important interview questions to the top three ESSENTIAL questions of all time. Amanda, the bodacious bass player of Hot Box, was kind enough to respond.

Elle: What are your favorite foods?
Amanda: Pumpkins
Danielle: Sesame Seed Bagel
Eric: Ice Cream

Elle: What brand of toothpaste are you using in your profile picture?
Amanda: Colgate. Total whitening, I think.

Elle: I can't use that, it hurts my teeth
*no response*

note to self: E-mails suck. They should invent some sort of real-time, maybe 'instant,' messaging system, where I can ask questions, and then they can answer, and then I can comment, and ask more questions. Srsly.

Elle: If you could play any other instrument, what would it be?
Amanda: Trumpet!(or brass in general) So I could write sweet dreamy horn parts like american football
Danielle: harp and drums
Eric: Piano

According to their blog, Hot Box is starting their "Fantasy 2008" tour right here in Michigan. Fantastic, I say! For those of you who may be reading this and aren't from Michigan, here are a list of tour dates:
Fantasy Tour 2008
July 12th @ Small's DETROIT, MI
July 13th @ the Orpahange CHICAGO, IL
July 14th @ Nottingham Coop MADISON, WI
July 15th @ the Way Out ST. LOUIS, MO
July 16th @ Bear's Place BLOOMINGTON IN
July 17th @ Pearl Nite Club DAYTON, OH
July 18th @ Knitting Factory (old office) NYC, NY
July 19th @ Trash Bar BROOKLYN NY
July 21st @ Club Hell PROVIDENCE RI
July 23rd @ Great Scott BOSTON, MA (Territories CD RELEASE!)

**Small's is actually having a night that isn't a Hell City Records showcase?!?! Are you kidding me?!?

***If you are in the Ypsilanti/Ann Arbor area, come to the Elbow Room because my band will be playing there. And by "band," I mean that I am playing there. Solo-style.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Sea of Japan sucks.

That is a total lie. They were amazing and mind-blowing and so incredibly fantastic. Sea of Japan, which is made up of permanent members Doug, Fabian, and Brian, were joined by Word Play-ers Brent and Brandon for the evening. You really should download their CD online @ Suburban Sprawl dot com. It's free, and I'm telling you, you will not be disappointed.

Speaking of temporary editions to bands, The Recital (who hasn't played in quite some time) boasted two extra members from The Pop Project. It was a pleasure to see/hear The Recital again. It has been far too long. Chris O, you, sir, are hilarious.

The Word Play were a completely different band then they were last weekend at the RCF. There were still technical difficulties (lots of hot mics), but they played it off. Lots of smiles. Lots of cute. Kevin's performance was intense.

So what's with all the cross-pollinating bands?

Also, what was with the kid with the flashing belt buckle? That. Was. Ridiculous.

I am too distracted to finish this blog. I'm sorry. I'm watching Kathy Griffin: Life on the D List." This blog totally sucked. But Sea of Japan does not suck. Your band probably does. Unless your band is called "ujustwentdownon me," then your band is totally awesome (shout out to my giiirls Erin and Beth!).

Also, I know who I am going to do the next Local Celebrity Challenge column on... Sorry, Alfred, it's not going to be you vs. someone new. This one is going to rock your faces off. More later.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Scuffs and Stuffs.

If any of you have ever seen Child Bite play, you have probably noticed the awesome, crocheted synth kozie on Shawn Knight's synth. If you haven't, here is a picture:

It was made by Veronica Knight. She also makes "scuffs." I need a scuff real bad for work to cover up these:

So if any of you cool rockers have totally awesome wrist tattoos that you need to cover up for your totally rad office job, then you should get ahold of Veronica. Here is a link to the photo album on myspace where you can see her work.

In other news stuff, I am going to see Sea of Japan, The Recital, and the Word Play tonight (at Alvin's in Detroit). I swear I will get off this Suburban Sprawl kick soon, dudes. But I can't get the Pop Project's CD out of my car CD player because it's *that* good, and The Recital is made up of, like, 3/4ths The Pop Project. The Word Play is supposedly putting out a record soon. Sea of Japan has one FOR FREE on Suburban Sprawl's website.

If you are sick of Sub Sprawl bands, then I would suggest checking out Wildcatting at the Blind Pig. Black Dahlia Murder is playing at the Majestic, and The Banana Convention is playing at Paycheck's Lounge. If you are not into experimental rock, really loud metally stuff, or 60s bubble gum pop, you should go visit your grandparents or your parents or do something constructive like build a house.


Thursday, June 19, 2008

Teh Amazing Trifecta of Underage Rock N' Rollers!

I would like to write about a band that isn't from the Detroit- or Ann Arbor- or Lansing-area. Are there any good bands from any other city in Michigan? Grand Rapids? Traverse City? Oscoda? Marquette? Anyone? I know Saginaw/Bay City/Midland is a black hole/Bermuda Triangle for bands, so don't even try to sell me that crap.

So, maybe some of you have heard that the Darts (Lansing) aren't playing any shows for a while because the lead singer broke his cankle. I almost broke my ankle on the DECK of the DARTS' new place in Lansing two weekends ago (true story).

The Decks? The Darts? What is the difference, you probably wonder. I think The Decks are a little older than The Darts (are members of the Decks allowed to drink legally now?). They both have nice bass players. I think some kids who are a year or two younger than The Darts should start a band called The Dents*. The trifecta would be complete!!! Then they can play a house show together, and the Decks (if they are 21+) can buy everyone booze. I am sooo going to be there. I love 17-year-olds when they are drunk. So impressionable. Yes, I went there. I could have said 16! OR 10!!!

The Darts are putting out (end sentence here) a split with some Detroit-based acoustic/emo/goth chick, recorded by Ian Walker (Moses Supposes**, anyone?). More news about that laterz.

*Class of 2009, make this happen!!!
**I went to their last show ever. Justin Spindler is a dreamboat.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Ladytron and Hanging out with John Nash

Last time I was at St. Andrew's Hall was three+ years ago when Muse played a free show. I was in the front row but this older dude squeezed in front of me. Between bands, he was telling his friend that he wished Muse had another CD other than "Absolution," and I was all like, "Excuse me, sir, that wasn't their first CD." and he got very angry with me and called me an idiot. When Muse started playing, everyone rushed the stage and I got pushed into him. He told me to get the hell off of him and he punched me in the mouth. My lip was bleeding. It was awesome. After the show, I hung out with Muse at Jacoby's.*

Today's show wasn't as dramatic, but some girls tried to start shit with me when my friend and I moved up through the crowd. My friend talked back to them, and I was trying to keep my head low. I didn't want another busted lip. Luckily for me, no fights broke out.

But Ladytron made me go blind.

Oh, but first, Datarock played. Here is my drawing of the drummer of Datarock (I didn't bring my camera).
His cymbal stand was really tall. He was the most amusing drummer I have seen in a long time.

Anyway, back to Ladytron and being blind. I had to drive home after that shit. Not cool. During Ladytron, I hung out with John Nash (Electric Six). He asked me if I was a reporter or something now, and I said that I was a blogger (I think he got a little nervous). He was telling me about how one of the keyboardists from Ladytron filled in for Tait when they were in Europe. Totally awesome. Then I saw Alicia and Matt from the Nice Device. I tried out for that band twice. You would think since I am obviously not in the band now, I would be trashing them, but I just can't bring myself to do that. They are good people. One time, Alicia slapped my ass. I was nervous about talking to Dennis Lxyzen** and she was all like, "just fucking do it, bitch!"*** Anyway, Tait was also there, and he was bothering me about my friend, and his ex-bandmate, Brandon Codiene****. I think I saw Koko Louise from the Hard Lessons roaming about. She is the best singer in the world. Period. Don't even try to argue with me about it. I will pwn you.

I also ran into Sean Shea, and I got his phone number. Hell yeah. Watch out. I'm all over it. His band is on hiatus because his sister (and bandmate) is going to be popping out a baby any day now. Gross.

Anyway, back to Ladytron and being blind. Oh wait, already said that. Shit. I don't know what else to say... Ladytron was awesome. At least they played 'seventeen.' And I got to hang out with John Nash.

Thanks again, Jasper. Your blog is hilarious*****. And a shout out to Vincent because it was cool seeing you again.

*and that is karma, bitch.
***she didn't actually call me a bitch
****Ghost City, holla.
*****but not as sweet as mine, bitch!!!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


This is the schedule I would follow if I wanted to shell out the $205 dollars for a weekend pass.

Honestly, I don't think it's worth it. I mean, those bands are sweet and I might just come across a band that I didn't know I would like, but chances are the heat will be intense. The last Lollapalooza I went to resulted in a very horrible sunburn with blisters and moderate dehydration, and a crazy hotel party/incident that only can be likened to a night with a hair metal band in the 80s. Broken TVs. Dude peeing on me in elevator. And that was only the "tip of the iceberg."

I think I will travel to Chicago some other weekend this summer and have a debaucherously good time without the sunburns and pissed-on clothes. I do love the Windy City and a bunch of it's inhabitants and bands.

Plus, I was pissed off when I saw that the Terrible Twos were playing but that it wasn't the Terrible Twos that I wanted to see playing. Oh, kids. Michigan bands are very poorly represented this year. Sorry, Tally Hall fans. I just "don't get it."

Although, I would consider paying $80 to see Saul Williams... In an indoor venue.


I just realized that I haven't been getting any comments because most of you are wimps. So I enabled anonymous posts.

... Have at it!

Monday, June 16, 2008

If you don't have tickets to see Dethklok tomorrow...

...Go to the Crofoot and watch Empty Orchestra play with that dude from Sparta's new band, Sleepercar. If that's what you are into.

I saw Sparta back in 2005. It was the second worst show of my life (the first worst show of my life was Zwan in 2002). Jim Ward was the worst part of the show, too. You will definitely not see me at the Crofoot tomorrow. Sorry. I am not shelling out $10 just to see Empty Orchestra open for a shitty band whose only claim to fame was that the lead singer was in a sweet band nine years ago. I think Sleepercar should be opening for Empty Orchestra. At least the lead singer of that band won't be so cracked out that he can't hold his guitar or sing without drooling. Ouch. Yeah. That was cold. Maybe he wasn't cracked out when I saw Sparta? Maybe Jim Ward was just having a really bad day *sob*. Maybe that was also Billy Corgan's excuse everyday when he decided to do that Zwan thing.*

Ladytron on Wednesday!!! YAY! Thanks, Jasper. Next time you see me, folks, I will be about ten pounds lighter from all the dancing I will do on Wednesday night. Paris Hilton says that is how she stays so skinny (riiiiiiiiiight).

*Although, if you have read "How to Make Love Like a Pornstar" by Jenna Jameson, you would have read the story about her hanging out with Billy Corgan and Marilyn Manson in a limo and how Corgan was drooling all over himself because of all the drugs he had done. Ward and Corgan have something else in common! DROOLING!

Alfred Vs. Fabian---The First Local Celebrity Challenge

This was a tough one, folks. I really shouldn't have set my goals so high for the first ever local celebrity challenge. But, you know what I always say, go big or go home!*

The first round: a side-by-side view of stats

As you can see from the awesome chart I made, they are both 26, and they both have totally sweet pick-up lines. But, Fabian shot himself in the foot by not adding me on Myspace. His page is private so I couldn't see how many friends he had. And I am not a real journalist, so I wasn't going to do any investigating. Fabian did say in his interview that he had five more friends than Alfred did, but I cannot confirm this. So a half point for Fabian.

The second round: my take on their "interviews"

I interview both Alfred and Fabian through e-mails, but I was lucky enough to see them both at the RCF this past weekend to talk to them face-to-face. Fabian likes anchovies with his pizza, but not on them. He likes them "on the side." He says he owns over 1,000 records on vinyl. I have not been able to confirm this. Alfred, on the other hand only has 100, but he is "bad at keeping inventory." Alfred probably doesn't like anchovies. I am pretty sure he is vegetarian, but I have overheard him telling someone that he doesn't go around proclaiming he is vegetarian because he doesn't like making people feel like shit about it. One point for Fabian for the records. One point for Alfred for not being pretentious about his eating habits. So far, the score is Alfred 2, Fabian 1.5

Because Fabian and Alfred seem to be pretty decent friends (they have known each other for approximately 11 years, and have cuddled together before), the real test for this challenge in particular was to see who would stoop low enough to talk smack about the other.

The responses?

Fabian: "i heard he beats women and calls them unsavory names"
Alfred: "Fabian is a charming young man. That is not gossip nor made up. It's the truth."

To be fair, though, I told them to talk smack about their opponents. So scratch that part about it being important. One point to both competitors for answering the question. Score now stands at Alfred 3, Fabian 2.5


Rock City Fest gave me a chance to get down to the real truth of it all: what did other people have to say about the challengers?

From these serious secret interviews, I came down to one conclusion: it was stupid to pit two friends against each other. People were very hesitant to pick either one. I heard some good things, and some bad things. Apparently, both Alfred and Fabian are egomaniacs. But very friendly egomaniacs. Three points for both, Alfred 6, Fabian 5.5

So who the hell is the winner???? Jesus Christ, I am getting to that.

The deciding factor: "Alfred is a total asshole, but it is fucking hilarious, and he always makes me laugh."--anonymous friend

And the winner is...


Congratulations, Alfred. You will get a free pack of cigarettes when I see you next. Sorry, Fabian. You were VERY close though.

*Actually, that is the first time I have said that.

I would like to apologize for the overusage of the colon in this blog.

Thank you for reading.

I have reached my goal of over 1000 hits in a week. My work here is done.

HAH! No, I have a lot more to say. The Local Celebrity Challenge blog will be up by tonight!

Here's a sneak peak:

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Pop Project-"Stars of Stage and Screen" and the Best Bonus Video Ever.

To be quite honest with you, I felt like I had heard all of the songs off of "Stars of Stage and Screen" by the Pop Project before. Obviously, if you have no idea the history behind the making of this album, you would think I was dissing them. A little background for those of you out of the loop: it took them FIVE years to record this album (once again, reinforcing the rumour that I started about them being illiterate). Technically, I have heard all of these songs before (I have seen them live at least five times). I am going to spend a long time dissecting this album. If someone puts THAT much effort into a record, might as well put that much effort into a review about said album, no? I heard this album cost them over $13 million to record.

All joking aside, my scene points are going to plummet after writing this review, for the following reasons: a) these guys are not 19-year-olds, b) they are actual, talented musicians, and c) none of them own baby blue skinny jeans (I could be completely wrong about this, though).

So, here is my essay about "Stars of Stage and Screen" by the Pop Project:

This is an album I would like my father to hear. Finally, I can prove to him that while everything made nowadays is regurgitated, it is, in fact, not "shit." Everything from the lyrics to the conjugation of the song structure is guided by a very careful hand (or hands, in this case). They use timing changes! IN THE MIDDLE OF SONGS! I was particularly drawn to the lyrics: heavy-handedly written in the perspective of the underdog. I felt like I was watching all of the recent Judd Apatow movies while listening to this record. "Stand In" sounds like it was ripped off a soundtrack to an Apatow romantic comedy. These guys have definitely felt more than enough cold shoulders from the cool kids of the world, but have channeled their bitter feelings into some beautifully crafted (and hilarious) lyrics.

Of all the tracks, my favourite one is "Hearts and Flowers." This is the kind of song I would like written about me. This is the kind of song I wish I could write about someone else. If you can't relate to the lyrics, "...I felt like my body was breaking, that my teeth were falling out one by one...because of you" then you are pretty much a heartless bastard. That’s OK, though. At least there are four guys in the world that seem to understand this feeling.

I kind of feel bad writing this review and not writing up a separate paragraph for every single song. This isn’t your typical band. This band is as close to a democracy as you can get in a band. Democracies in bands usually equate to watered-down crap. You need a bandleader. This band has four leaders. I don’t know how they don’t all hate each other (maybe they secretly do). As far as the three lead singers go, Zach Curd and Will Yates seem to be cut out of the same cloth of pop sensibility (did I just lose more points by using that term?). The songs Dave Lawson wrote, with the exception of the lounge-y “Stand In,” are a little more country, and a little less smooth than the other tracks. With all due respect, this guy can shred on guitar. He gives the songs by Curd and Yates that extra “pop” of zas*.

If you want a good laugh, a laugh that will hurt so bad because ‘it’s true, and that’s what makes it funny,” then “Never Got a Break” is the song for you. This is also a song I would like to dedicate to about 50% of the bands I have ever encountered. This song might also aptly describe the Pop Project in a couple of years if they do indeed never get a break. These dudes take their music seriously, but they aren’t afraid to poke fun at themselves or others. Kudos to that.

I almost feel like “House of Books” does not fit on this album. It’s almost too poignant in comparison to the rest of the songs, musically and lyrically. “House of Books” truly showcases this band’s diversity, and gives them an illusion of edginess. Hot. Zach Curd, if you played your keyboard “solos” on the most metal guitar you could possibly find, then I would be head-banging until I got whiplash. Metal? The Pop Project? I think they could do it if they cared to do it.

When you’re feeling down, pop in this CD**. Dance with reckless abandon. If you do not feel better by the second track, just keep listening. If by the last track you still aren’t feeling all right, I know a couple of really good mental health care professionals in the area. I think you need someone to talk to.

*Do yourself a favour and watch Metalocalypse sometime.
**Don't ask your friends to burn you this CD. Don't be a pussy, go to one of their shows and buy it. And if you can't make it to a show, order it online at Suburban Sprawl's website. Believe me, you will want to see the bonus video. Adam Kempa dances. Will Yates joins in. Adam Kempa also drops the eff bomb a bunch of times. Saying that word is hilarious.

The end of Detour.

Ohmyfuckinggod, I am tired as hell and sick of watching bands. I don't ever want to see a live show again as long as I live.

Next Friday, I will be going to Alvin's to see the Word Play and Sea of Japan.
The Word Play: This is a band I would like to make-out with. That stays between you and I, Mr. Blog. Don't tell anyone.

I passed out a lot of business cards today. I only found one crumpled up on the ground.

So the beginning of the day started off with a bang. I went to the CAID to see some bands. It was fun. I took pictures. I ate a fake hot dog with mustard and ketchup on it.

The Mahonies are rad. They write funny songs and do silly things on stage. I have nothing bad to say about them.

I watched the Pop Project play. They even said they weren't a real band. They didn't even have a real drummer. It was some dude from the Jackofflins. Fuck that shit. I hear the Pop Project is totally illiterate anyway. Which is good, because I don't want them to read this. I am not going to lie, though. I actually enjoyed their set. Mostly because I was wasted.

After the Poop Projkt played, I stood in the shade for a while. I don't like the sun, and I don't care who knows it. I continued to stay in the shade until some magical creatures took the stage. They called themselves Serenity Court. I think at this point I was hallucinating. I also did a lot of drugs before I went to the CAID. Not a good idea. So, Serenity Court, right? I dug them. I really like the lady who was playing the keyboards though. Her voice was faaaaantastic. I thought about stealing her so I could make her sing to me whenever I wanted to hear her, but then I realized that was SUPER FUCKING CREEPY.

Is this blog post over yet? I am sick of writing already.

So, after the CAID thing went down, I went home and took a nap. It was a horrible nap. I had napmares about blogging. Then I traveled back to the Majestic Garden Stick. I wandered around for a while. I knocked over some dude's beer, and threatened Zach Norton with the broken bottle because he made fun of me. It was intense. I was embarrassed, so I left the Garden Bowl. I wanted to see Mason Proper anyway. I like the Nice Device and all, but I heard that they were serving free beer at the Majestic. THAT WAS TOTALLY A LIE BY THE WAY AND I WAS VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS.

Mason Proper's lead singer is a dancing machine. He moves his feet a lot. I dig that. He also looks like Graham Coxon. I love Graham Coxon. I met a dude that looked like Jarvis Cocker at the CAID. It was Brit Pop Day in Detroit.

So anyway, back to Mason Proper. They are pretty fantastic, but they only played six songs. Here is my theory about the short set: that's all the songs they knew. Now, I own their first CD, but the more I listen to it, the more I realize that it is too good for a band from Alpena to write. Srsly. Maybe they had the same people who wrote the Pop Project's music write their music. Maybe they are illiterate too. That is too bad. I actually wanted them to read this blog.

Before I left (I left before Sloan went on, I only know that one song by them with the siren at the beginning), I ran into Melody from the Sirens and Riff2 fame. I told her about my blog, and she wanted me to give her a shout out, and to let everyone know that she is moving to Alabama soon. It's really too bad. Who the fuck moves to Alabama, besides that lead singer from the Weakend? Maybe her and him have a 'thing.' SCANDALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Detour, Detroit, Day Two.

I have a lot to say and very little time to write it.

Here are some pictures from last night's Detour Rock City Fest: My Flickr.

I am going to the CAID in a bit to see Serenity Court, the Pop Project, the Word Play, and GLMS. I'll be at the Majestic FOR SURE when Mason Proper hits the stage.

One thing I would like to say before I head out is that I was incredibly disappointed with the way people acted when the Von Bondies took the stage (not that you care). See my previous post about haters. Screaming "you suck" and "get off stage?" Come on (come on). Love 'em or hate 'em, whatever. You are bitter, and that is obvious.

We're all human, lest we forget.

And Leann Banks stole the show (that's just my opinion, but that's what you're here to read, right?).

I am listening to the Zoos of Berlin EP. I am going to write about it tomorrow. I might overuse the words "dreamy" and "epic." Just a fair warning.

Friday, June 13, 2008

OK, is there anyone with FIVE bands playing at the RCF? Anyone? Anyone?

Will Yates' Rock City Fest, formerly known as Ryan Allen's Rock City Fest, formerly known as Detour's Rock City Fest, is now going to be known as Christian Doble's Rock City Fest.

Doble can be seen in the following bands:
Friendly Foes
Child Bite
Cooper Thieves

Thanks, Will Yates, for clearing that up.

Chances are, folks, you will see one of Christian Doble's bands this weekend. Even if it is on accident. So don't try to stop it from happening. Resistance to the Doble is futile.

Yeah, check out those sweet photoshop skillz.

Will Yates' Rock City Fest

How many appearances will Will Yates make at the Detour Rock City Fest?

From the looks of his Myspace page, the answer is three.

We get it. You are super talented. Jesus Christ, man. You must have built up some seriously good karma in your past life. If you believe in that sort of thing, anyway.

The new Deastro?

The new band members of Deastro sounded pretty tight last night, right? The three new members are from The Weakend, a pop-punk/screamo/goth/jam band* from Sterling Heights**. This might already be common knowledge (I'm not one to read anything besides my own blog).

Years ago, I met the dudes from The Weakend at a ridiculous house party in Royal Oak. Turns out, I knew a couple of them from the reallllly old band, Forever Ending. Oh snap. I saw them play when I was in high school. This was after the Internetz were invented by Al Gore, so my friends and I used to think we were so cool travelling from the thumb region of Michigan to "Detroit"*** to see a real band that we had met on the said Internetz.

As far as I have "heard," The Weakend are still a band. Their singer, though, lives all the way in another country, called Alabama. Or is it Arkansas? Whichever state it is, it must be hard to play shows from that far away (~825 miles or ~890 miles, respectively). Do you video conference him in? We have that technology where I work, but it seems a little pricy for a band. Right?

Maybe they do the opposite of Champions of Breakfast and have him record the vocals and play them through an iPod while they are playing their instruments.

For those of you who didn't already know about my pre-existing medical condition, I would like to tell you about it right now. I am obsessed with Brendon Small****. Like, not the actual person, just all of his creative endeavors. That being said, I am going to see Dethklok on Tuesday, the 17th, at Clutch Cargos in Pontiac. If you would like to see me drooling and having panic attacks, then you should come with me or meet me at the show or just stare at me from the corner and blog about it later. I don't fucking care.

In other news, this is creepy as fuck! Imagine if it were like, 18 feet long instead of 18 inches. I'm still not convinced that an 18 foot long one doesn't exist.

*I really don't know what to call them. I don't like what their myspace page says though.
***what was actually Roseville
****we are Facebook friends.

The future of things relating to this blog.

I have some pretty creative friends, and last night, one of them thought of the best idea ever: a versus column for local "celebrities." They could be super fans, they could be musicians, they could be awesome bartenders/bar owners/booking agents... The first "versus" column will be up in a week. So keep your eyes peeled.

Also, I will be posting some interviews with a few out of state bands who are coming through our beloved city in the next two months.

As usual, I am going to make up horrible rumours about their bands. And your bands.

Quick Detour update: awesome.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Oh, Detroit...

And the haterdom continues! This time about another band (and subsequent festival). I will agree with a few points made in the comments... The fest is very one-sided*, Ryan Allen will make two (maybe even more?) appearances (but I wouldn't go as far as saying it's Ryan Allen's Fest**), and unicorns DO exist***.

Enough about Detour... Let's talk about the idea of someone starting shit with a semi-popular local group so that other people would then talk about their band and they would get some attention (and it's something that I didn't even think of---GENIUS!). Seriously, the thought never crossed my mind. But that is such a good idea! I need to be more devious and mean and cutthroat with this blog. Or I am never going to get mentioned in Metro Times.

Someone asked me today what I have been listening to in my car recently. The following CDs have been in heavy rotation (I do not have an iPod, don't hate on me for it):
1. Midnight Boom, The Kills
2. This Gift, Sons and Daughters
3. a mix CD with cocorosie, Rainer Maria, Mando Diao, and Jarvis Cocker, among others
4. Pleasure Mountain, Champions of Breakfast

Why isn't your band's CD listed? Because I am broke. But if you want to give me a CD for free, I'll review it here. That is to say it might not be a good review. I might talk some shit, depending on how cool your band is.

I want attention. That's why I started this blog, right? RIGHT?!?!

*I'm not hatin' here, I'm just saying it is obvious
**bitter much?
***what a cool "genetic flaw!" I want one!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Flint is the largest city in the United States with a one-syllable name. But that isn't it's claim to fame. The most well-known fact about Flint is that it is considered one of the most dangerous cities in the United States (#3 to be exact).

Now, I definitely don't want to start shit with any bands from Flint. Especially, Empty Orchestra. They are badasses to the bone. They played at a metal festival last month, and I am SOOOO glad I wasn't there. They probably would have beat me up or something.

I'm going to be quite honest with you, zombie movies scare the shit out of me. Most horror movies do. Creepy music also does. Their song "This Heart is a Monster" sends chills up my spine. All joking aside, it'll hook you in and eat you alive.

They recently released a music video for "It Gets Better", directed by Hott Garbage (who also directed a stunning, yet creepy vid for Mason Proper for their song "Friendship"). Would it be corny of me to say that this music video couldn't get better? Yes it would. But I am going to say it anyway. The music video for "It Gets Better" couldn't get any better, because it is already pretty damn amazing. The song is good too.

What is even scarier is that this band boasts over fourteen members (rotating, of course). Sounds like a gang to me. Their leader, Stephen, looks like the kind of guy that would murder you if you spelled his name with a "v" instead of a "ph." No lie.

These badasses play a lot of shows (mostly because they are such tough muthafuckas). So, uh, check them out.

Wally Jaczkowski and the Consequences of his Stupid Actions

From what I have heard, this Wally guy is a total douchebag. I have also heard that he writes about UFOs and robots just to get laid.

All of that aside, his music isn't *that* bad. In fact, I find the minimalist approach quite endearing.

He is playing a show at the Belmont on Sunday, June 15. His pet fish just died, so please give him a hug (unless this is one of his oh-so-slick ways of getting in your pants).

I heard a girl named Becki is playing washboard for him now, and that's respectable. Any band with a washboard is at least worth checking out. It's a fucking washboard. Awesome.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


Send me a CD and I will review it. It doesn't even have to be your CD. It can be any CD. E-mail me at with your CD suggestions, or if you would like my address so you can send me a hard copy.

I am also going to start reviewing band shirts. You can also send me those if you would like.

And I will also review food and restaurants if you would like to cook for me or take me out.


Monday, June 9, 2008

Rock City------wooo!

Anyone else going to the Rock City Fest this weekend?

I'm super stoked about it. I know you might think I have a negative view on Detroit and the musicians, but I really don't. I'm MORE than excited to see all of the Detroit-area bands play a huge festival of sorts.

I will need to invest in some ear plugs though. That much music and that level will screw up your hearing!!! Kids, be safe. Make sure you bring some. If not, I am buying a huge pack from CVS and you can steal some from me. Just a friendly PSA.

Champions of Breakfast! Deastro! Javelins! Prussia! Pas/cal! Blase Splee! The Von Bondies are back in town! Saturday is going to be RIDICULOUS! OMG OMG OMG. No, srly. For realz.

I didn't luck out like my friend, Angela, and win tickets. Lucky.

See? I'm not the only one!

I woke up to this in my inbox. Thanks, Shawn!

"I am at shows, more than I want to be.

Detroit people remind me of New Yorkers: assholes that walk around with a chip on their shoulder because they live in such a "hip" city. Truth is...both are chaulk full of wasted ideas, bad ideas, and hardly any understanding of another person's situation.

What's most depressing to me is [that within] the music scene, people are in it, not as a Too many musicians/club owners/promoters are concerned with themselves and what they want out of life/our music scene.

There is no music scene without one another. This won't change because some asshole who sounds like a broke down version of the Von Bondies, Black Dhalia Murder, Cat Stevens, or Black Flag deemed his cause more important than the next person's....

People act like they are owed something in Detroit (a lot like NY). What they don't know is they owe something to society and their peers. Goals shouldn't be strictly based on one's self: we need to set our sights on the bigger picture. How can we get what we want, if we have done FUCKING NOTHING for our surroundings?"

I'm going to step out of the local realm for a second.

Years ago, I was really into this band called Loudermilk. They were from California, and the only notable things I could mention about them were a guest spot on the TV show "Charmed" and a photo shoot in YM when "mod" was making a comeback. Now they are called Gosling.

I did not go to see the Raconteurs this weekend, although I wanted to. Did my indie cred just plummet?! OH NO!!! The culmination of shit-talking in Detroit blogs is supposedly what pissed Jack White off enough to leave here and never (until this weekend) return. Brendan Benson left because he got mugged too many times. Fair enough, BB. Anyway, I do enjoy their music, and I don't care who knows it.

And now for me to make a connection: Mark Watrous (guitarist/keyboardist for Gosling) is currently touring with the Raconteurs. Totally awesome. But now I am really pissed that I missed the shows.

I would suggest checking out Gosling.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

And now for a less "serious" post...

Oh, Canada, you will be missed (in your fullest form).

If you weren't at Annie Palmer's birthday party last night, you were probably at some other show or party that wasn't as cool. It's OK. We had enough fun for you.

DJ MITN EFKT was siiiick. He kept the dance floor bumping until closing time.

I would like to say this: I have never seen Matt Jones before, and I feel now that I have been cheated out of some amazing live shows. Why the fuck has no one ever suggested him to me??? I think it's a conspiracy to stop me from seeing totally sweet musicians so I have nothing good to talk about on my blog. I kid. I just started this blog. I've been watching bands for a long time. It's my own damn fault, really. Anyway, he was mind-numbingly superb, and I look forward to seeing him again soon.

Child Bite were their usual show-stopping spastic selves. I don't think I have ever been disappointed by one of their shows. Umm, did anyone else see Zach Norton run off stage and play on the bar? If you didn't, you obviously weren't there because it was hard to miss. I heard that he got that guitar for less than $200. Fuck yeah. I also heard that Veronica Knight, the perpetually gorgeous wife of Shawn Knight, crocheted Shawn's synth "kozie" all by herself. Now that, my friends, is talent. I have tried to knit and crochet and I have never gotten past scarves. I wish I had more "I heard"s to say about Child Bite. They are a good band to talk about.

Canada! Joe Scott! Ahhh! Made me cry. Yeah, I am a wimp. I was really sad. Especially during "Homes and Jewels." Shit, I'm starting to tear up again. OK, I'm going to end this blog now. Bye.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Canada, the country.

You ain't got nothin' on Canada the band. Except for the fact that they are breaking up very soon, and you are still going to be a country. But we'll see how long that last!!! (on both accounts)

At the Elbow Room tonight, Canada will be playing a free show for Annie Palmer's birthday. Annie Palmer is a totally awesome musician, just in case you didn't know that. Child Bite and Matt Jones will also be playing. Did I mention it was free? And it will also be the last time you see Canada with that many members, if you ever see them again.

What I am still a little confused about is if they are really breaking up. According to their website, they are going on a hiatus until Joe returns to Michigan. But some of the band mates are "supposedly" leaving permanently as well. I say "supposedly" with quotes around it because I really don't know, and this could all just be gossip I overhead while drunk at a party. It could be completely false, too. I think this blog is just going to become a ridiculous rumour-mill for local bands. How about that? I want to talk some shit then. But not about Canada, or the members of Canada. I respect them and love them too much to do that.

But there are other local bands that I do not love or respect. Let the rumours start!!!!! YESSSSSS. Take that Perez Hilton. Your hair is fucking stupid anyway.

In other rumours, I heard a few things about Deastro. Mostly that they are awesome and there *might* be new members. But more specifically, they are awesome. And there should be a new album dropping in July. The show is in June though. So I guess you can hear it in June and then buy it in July, because apparently they aren't cool enough already and they want to be extra cool and make you wait.

Yeah, you know you fucking love this blog.

Fuck yeah, Michigan! Put your hand up!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Quick addendum.

I am going to write all the blogs when I am drunk. Starting after this blog.


I am going to write about my experiences in and around Detroit.

Because it's not such a bad place afterall.

Mind you, I have not gotten mugged in Detroit. Yet.

But I still love it.

And you should too.

Sometimes, I will write sweet reviews about awesome and not-so-awesome bands, local (or not-so-local).